Sometimes in life we have so much emotion we cannot express ourselves. Today I find myself staring at yet another dead end. Finding the motivation to pick myself up and head back up the trail in pursuit of success is becoming more difficult with each passing day. I lament to myself that all I want is for a door to open, for the opportunity to grasp onto normalcy again. If I speak honestly though, I realize that my heart desires a specific lifestyle. My mind is focused on my mental picture of normalcy and perfection.
In this moment I must ask myself what am I truly asking for? What is it that I am refusing to compromise over? It is not wrong to want to avoid struggle and strife. It is not wrong to desire for release from worry. It is not wrong to desire more than just enough financially. However, if these things become more important than my faith, then I fear sin has won the day.
The weight of paying bills is daunting and I cringe every time I open the mailbox. Yet, I am given small reminders of my inward focus. I look at my perfect baby girl and then I read a story of a young child who lost her arm to cancer. I wake in the morning frustrated at another day of leftovers and then I hear of refugees starving in their plight for freedom. I become impatient with my husband and then I see the uniform hanging in his closet and think of all the wives currently counting down the days until the deployment is over.
Life is difficult, unfair, frustrating, discouraging and heartbreaking but it is also a gift. Perspective changes everything.
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper;
the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.