Living Beyond Myself

Monday’s have changed so much for me in the past year. No longer do I have a ritual of setting my alarm, picking out clothes and packing my lunch on Sunday night. I don’t burn my retina as I flip on the light in the dark, early hours of Monday. Instead, I get a kiss on the forehead and a whisper telling me to go back to sleep. My day usually begins after the sun comes up, with a cry or a chorus of “da da da”. My attire has gone from smart casual to washable and pocketed. After feeding the dog, changing the baby and scarfing down something for breakfast I begin the juggling act of house work, work work and child preservation.

It’s been my vision for a number of years to reach this exact place in life – married, house, dog, child. There are things that I love about it and those that I do not. I am glad to be out of the dating game, especially during the holidays. I’m relieved to have a home and not a temporary space. Yet, I miss the freedom to travel and explore new cities. My dwelling space is rarely ever organized or completely clean, but it is never lonely either. I get considerable less sleep (and sometimes less bed), but I never have trouble dosing off at night. I have little time to myself or to pursue my interests, but I am developing a legacy.

For every one thing I feel like I am giving up, I am gaining something else. Some days are really hard and feel never ending. My house teeters back and forth from a sanctuary to a chaotic prison. Nonetheless, I am grateful for the opportunities in my life at present. I have the opportunity to love and be loved, to nurture and teach and to grow in patience and positive attitude. All these things push me to live outside my comfort zone, but they also push me to examine God at work in my life.

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