The Curse of Eve

Being a mom can make life feel like a freedom sucking vacuum. Between feeding, clothing, changing, bathing and entertaining a child not to mention house chores, cooking, grocery shopping and working, the little bit of “free” time we experience during the day usually involves sleeping, showering or eating. The life that previously existed where you had time to watch movies, read books, go to the mall, plan dinner dates, cuddle on the couch or simply eat your lunch uninterrupted is a fading memory. It’s exhausting and becomes isolating. Independence from children and responsibilities feels like a lost cause. Surviving 7am-11pm is the number one focus. For those of you reading this that have not had kids yet, you are beginning to wonder if offspring are really worth it. 

There are many joyful moments when raising children. Each new milestone is a thrill, the emphatic hugs are priceless, the heart felt laughs make you smile and the attachment to you as their parent is incomparable. Yet the desire for something in life beyond 7-11 survival is a constant nagging. Husbands often take the brunt of this built up nagging. Instead of seeing how hard they work to provide financially, we see a care free individual who gets out of the house, can eat lunch in peace wherever he chooses, has the freedom to stop by the store on the way home and after a few hours, he gets to send the kids off to bed. Don’t get me started on the weekend when heaven forbid he sit down and watch a race or game instead of fix one of the million things on “the list”. What about me and what I want or when do I get to relax???
This selfish attitude that creeps into my mind takes me back to Genesis 3:16.

Then he said to the woman,

“I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.”

During the work day I am queen of the castle! I’m also queen of the laundry, dishes, muddy paws, stove, dirty bottoms and overall family schedule. When the days are long and tiring, it’s easy to become resentful of the perceived freedom that my husband has. Finding balance in your marriage once kids come is important, but maintaining a view point from your spouse’s shoes is also important. Chances are the last thing he wants to do is sit in yet more traffic on his way home to buy milk. When my husband comes home, I should strive to be queen of his heart and not the boss of his few hours at home with his girls. 

It’s important for me as mom to get a break and breather. Grandmas are excellent resources for accomplishing this. Sometimes you have to throw in the towel and wave a flag of defeat. It’s important to invest in my husband and marriage. Whether or not you have kids, don’t let the love be overcome by the schedule. Learn to communicate and make your time together a team effort.

Unperfectly Perfect

Have you ever wondered what perfection looks like? Me too! Yet, if you asked me to describe myself in a few words, perfectionist is probably one of the words that I would use. I’m not the perfectionist that I use to be, but I still like to have a tidy house with clean floors and a spotless kitchen before people come over. My closet is organized by color, season and clothing type. Putting on lounge clothes or yard work clothes that do not match is a great struggle. I will keep rearranging furniture or decor until it looks Pinterest compatible and I’ll fuss over a dessert until it looks as good as it tastes. Yes, I am guilty of perfectionism when it comes to my outward appearance and home.

The difficulty with perfectionism is that nothing is ever quite perfect. Houses don’t stay clean, desserts are eaten, clothing gets worn and after awhile you get tired of the same furniture arrangement. I’m thankful that since getting married I have learned to relax a little. My husband is completely opposite of me when it comes to organizing and cleaning, but that’s ok because it helps both of us find balance. The more I let go or realize that things will never truly be perfect in this earthly life, it allows me to grow in patience, compassion and flexibility. I’m learning to embrace the day to day and all of it’s imperfections, because that is when memories and relationships are made.

 

Things to Come

Like everyone else who lives in a climate that experiences all four seasons, including cold and snow, I have cabin fever. As my boss and I laughed about today, we are painfully optimistic in our current outerwear choices. Spring can come as soon as it likes! The signs of future warm weather are all around. The grass has gone from brown to mostly green and my tulips are getting a little bigger each day. After the harshness of winter, spring is such a welcome reminder of renewed life and things to come.

Yesterday Austin and I celebrated our engagement-a-versary and wow…so much has happened! Life has not gone anywhere how I expected, but without surprises there would be no adventure. I love going on adventures and traveling to new places, but getting to my destination is usually the most tiring and exasperating part. I have found that is pretty much how life goes too. However, once I make it to my destination the difficulty or craziness of travel looses much of its potency. This doesn’t necessarily make the journey any easier, but it certainly makes you appreciate where you are at more.

Three years ago as I stood out in the sunshine as Austin proposed, I could not have imagined my perfect little house next to an outlet center that I avoid shopping at because Austin and I are being very intentional about our spending. I could not have imagined our fun neighbors that deliver veggies from their garden in the summer, the ugly basement centipedes that Austin has waged war against, all the ups and downs of employment for both Austin and I, or the new ladies that my brothers would introduce to the family (sisters? maybe???).

I have no idea where life is headed this year, but I am excited to see where we end up. Regardless of the journey, I have to say I have the best travel partners. One knows where we are headed and the other is a constant reminder of the exciting things that are bound to lie ahead.

For such a time as this – Krista.